Santa Maria

So I am currently in Santa Maria watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I forgot how much I love this fucking movie! I remember back in High School when I would watch this movie at least every day of my life during the summer of '06..... omg, I just did the Time Warp. It's weird how after so many years of not seeing the movie I remember all the LYRICS! hahahahah, loves it <3 !!!

I think that I am at a point in my life where I am really over it. Because that's the only way that I am going to be able to seriously not cry at nights. I know that I will have moments where I will be tormented by the past but so fucking what!? I have to have that attitude. I can't afford to feel the way I did just a week ago...

So there is someone. Someone that I think that I might have feelings for.... ugh!!!! I know that he feels something for me too but I feel like Oliver from this queer romantic book that I am reading called Call Me By Your Name by Andre Aciman (which I fucking absolutely love). I need to make him my mission. Because I know that I am his mission too. UGH! Why did I distance myself all those times that he attempted to get closer to me?!?!? I am so stupid! But I feel something, and even if he no longer, or never did feel how I feel now, I must make it my mission. I need to know that I am strong enough to confront these type of situations and that I am able handle the bad and the beautiful.

Idk why I am not romantic. I am direct and aggressive. AHHHHH!!!! I snap! SNAP! and snap some fucking more. I need to appreciate the people around me, and start appreciating myself. David. Queer David. Loud David. Fun David. Diva David. Drama Queen David. Passionate David. Activist David. Loveable David that is worth it!

Later,
Is what I speak,
What he speaks,
What I write of.

Gasp,
I can't believe I cut myself again.
Gasp,
I can't believe that I snapped again.
Gasp,
I'm crying again.
Gasp,
You love me again.

It's getting harder to swallow my water,
It yearns for your fluid,
For your water to clear my throat,
Get rid of the past,
Make me breathe the air of your lungs once again and make me as alive as those full tender lips that you kiss me with each second of our lives.