Daydream

You should know that you are just a temporary fix and you will only be remembered for your touch and not your words.

I can be all that you need and more.

I've always been more than you can handle,
You have never met me half way,
stop pretending like you deserve more than what I have sacrificed for you in the last fucking month.

I am broke,
But you're broke,
And because you're broke I am rich.

My life at the current moment is lacking momentum. I'm trying to tell you just how i like the words to come out of your mouth, so stop covering your ears and bare with me. Bare with me. Bare. Bare the fuck out. Place your dick against mine. The phallic that runs through every piece of my soul. My life at the current moment has evolved beyond control and I'm drinking every step of the way.

I tucked it underneath my pillow when we were both pretending to sleep....

I wish there was a way that I could take my black maker and blackout his name.
How could I be so stupid?
How could I not?
How can I be so unsure of what love is that I still think that what I did was stupid??

I have many secrets,
Secrets because i am ashamed,
So ashamed of myself that the secrets keep adding.
I wish there was a way that i could prevent them from occurring but they keep feeding me these death seeds...

I am fierce at the cost of love.
I am insecure at the cost of love.
I am who I am at the cost of love!

Everything is at the cost of something. I can't and won't be vulnerable until I know it's fine to do so.

I fight the world each day because that was the only thing I was taught growing up and it's all I've seen and continue to see....

Today is not a good day for smiling..

I went today when i knew that i shouldn't because my heart was bleeding.
Everything that I knew and know is so irrelevant when I just allow the flow of actions lead me.
I'm getting sick,
So sick that i can no longer picture a morning of whistles outside my room.
My knees are sore from tonight.
Sore from looking into his eyes and never finding the answers I wanted.....

WELLSFARGO!

I am so fucking upset!

I hate the fact that I can't be fucking responsible enough to avoid overdraft motherfuckin fees!

ugh!!!

I hate that they didn't approve my withdrawal of WRITING 2!

wtf?!?!?!?

stupid ass!!!

i need to get my life together.... but i keep saying that and nothing has changed. i need to get my life together, and as much as i type it out, I know that it will probably wont happen! I NEED TO FUCKING GET MY LIFE TOGETHER!!!

I REALLY HOPE I DO!

I WILL

BUT I KNOW THAT IT'S ONE BIG MESS!!

ugh....

annoyed at friends, annoyed and school, annoyed at everything and everyone

brb!

FUCK!!!!

I am SOBERRRRRR

Fuck!!!!

I want to imagine that there is no place like the space of color where true love is found....

I want to imagine that there is a soul outside of the air I breathe. When there was a true color in the sky I squinted to make sure there was a pink shade of glitter to represent me...

I don't know if i am scared of loving a person for their age,
Or if i am scared of loving a person for their skin color,
But i am scared of loving he.

I want to wake up in the summer with only a speedo on. My hair hiding my face and just a sea of comfort over me. When the night takes over i need to know that I am alive and still awake. I don't want to sleep under the sheets with only an empty space next to me. The space that haunts me when i don't know what's next in life. I want to feel the sun give color to my skin, I want to know that something out there is needing me to live on...

I don't understand the meaning as to why 7am is the alarm to my body...

I woke up thinking that I don't want to speak.....

God that asshole wrote to me and even though I could seriously care less at the moment, WTF?!?!?

I needed to be forgotten,
I needed to feel as if it never happened like other events in my life....

I am embarrassed by how I felt,
Reacted,
Expressed the care I had inside for a closet case that reminds me so much of my own past...

I know why I woke up. I woke up because I lack the tender space that would keep me asleep. The space that would tire me,
Hold me,
Look into my eyes and kiss me goodnight.

I need to fix my reality and stop wanting the broom of fantasy that will sweep the nightmares from within.