Wednesday, February 9, 2011

complicated

i'm going insane. i don't know where i am at. like i've ran all i could and wound up stuck in the same trail except the cracks in the pavement has worsen and i am no longer able to run, too dangerous, too much effort for the same fucking road.

i hope no one reads this. and by no one i mean no one except for you. i am ashamed of myself. i thirst for you. to see you. to hear you. to make eye contact with you, even if its for a split second or its met with a hateful glare. i miss you.

i want to be in a room with you. i've already played it out in my head. i would feel uncomfortable and the first emotion would come in tears. i would stare at you and begin crying. tears of joy that after so long we are together and tears of pain because of the games you played. fuck. the many games we played. after crying, I would begin to yell at you. FUCK YOU! How dare you motherfucker not leave my thoughts?! fuck you! how can i love you this much?!?! When i still haven't loved anyone?!?! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU!

and for once you'd cried. you'd cried in front of me. showing me that you still care about the nothings we were and still are.

i have no ending to my play. some plays never will.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Reflecting is painful. Especially when the things you have to reflect on were done to you by force.
I had no say, and I have yet to discover a way to have a say.

Friday, February 4, 2011

And I wore the purple sweater,
Thinking you'd see me,
Want me,
Need me.