prayer

"Support, help, and protect, but do it from a healthy distance so that your love is fresh and nurturing, and not heavy or overbearing."

I spilled corona on my shirt today.
Using the smell to distract me from what was done.
Drinking is what I am left with.
Alcoholism runs in the family they say, I’m a testament to the Mexican culture—it lives!
Five cups of moscato, four coronas, whiskey and pinor noir is what I have to show for.

I’m dealing with it as best as I can.
Drunk days and lonely nights…
Wishing it was the first and hopefully the last.

I've been down this road for the past year and a half ,
no desire to keep on going,
except for those drunk calls at 1 in the morning,
yelling how much you hate me,
miss me.

Oselotl,
Haven't we kept our distance for far too long?
Maybe our distance was the wrong type and you needed more.

Oselotl,
I kneel before you,
Merci,
Have merci on these hands,
They write without words and punch without eyes.

[Oselotl,
I keep starving myself,
Thinking that's the only way he'll ever love me.]

Oselotl,
I'm a lonely hunter,
I don't eat much,
Just enough to keep me moving,
But not enough to leave.

Oselotl,
Fuck off,
I rather indulge,
Use my strength to crush,
Hide behind these jaguar eyes,
And shut the door.

Oselotl,
Haven't I had enough?
wine,
games,
bullshit,
poems,
tears,
trying but never trying enough?

Oselotl,
i'm weak,
pissed by what you told me,
and fearful by what i've done...

Oselotl,
I am a lonely hunter,
That snacks and doesn't indulge,
Keeping my distance,
Not to hold on, but to grow
It hurts to watch and not interfere,
But it kills to leave with my eyes closed,
Cause i never go and always see.

Oselotl,
Merci,
Have merci on my soul.

I wore the shirt you liked,
Shoes you've complimented,
And glasses you believed made me who I am...

I sat drinking a pint of shock top,
With my legs crossed,
Loose woman opened,
Reading a poem that reminds me of you,
Us,
You bring out the colonizer in me,
The holocaust of desire in me...

You can't call me,
I'm trying to get over you,
Don't yell at me,
I'm trying to forget the sound of your words,
Don't write to me,
I'm trying to forget how to read you,
Leave me alone,
I'm trying to believe you don't think of me anymore...

In silence we departed,
Knowing it wouldn't be the last time we'd speak without saying a word.