My Other Half

Why are things so difficult. I wish that instead of learning about my teachers personal marriage he would have thought me about real life. About heart breaks. What are heart breaks? And how to get over them? How to get over fucking things that go horribly wrong?



I want to be able to breathe again and not be able to smell his cologne. To dream and not think about his texts but it's all I can do. He was nothing! Nothing! Nothing, yet I am behaving like he was everything to me. I don't know if I am melancholy for what could have been or for losing a friend that just validated me. Made me feel worth it, made me feel like a contact a-day was necessary because I am that good.

Maybe I never really felt anything for him in that way. I never had that type of relationship with a person before so maybe I just thought more of it. Ugh!!!

I know that I can stop,

But if I say it enough times then maybe I will.


Don't cry,
Don't cry,
Cry,
Cry,
If it's not one thing then it's the other.

I don't know what to feel when everything is piercing.


I don't know what to do,
I don't know what I can do,
I don't know when I can cry,
I don't know when I can't cry,
I don't know when it's just enough that I rather live a lie than without you.


I'm in search for my other half,
The half that has the love I've been missing,
The confidence to guide me,
The words to complete my sentences,
The body to complete me.

I hope your not my other half..... I hope you are. All I can do is cry because it's the only concrete thing that they told me to do for these types of situations. I feel weak and I hate that. I hate it so much that it makes me weaker every time I think of it.

I don't know,
I don't,
I don't,
I don't,
I don't know how to move one because I've never been able to move on from anything.

Just act,
Just act,
Act like I'm in a theatrical performance and when the red curtains finally unfold and I'm backstage again. I catch myself still in character because even though I gave my bow, I've lost myself and have yet to find my other half.