I will pray today because I strongly believe that I am speaking to my brother. When my family comes over at 3 pm today I will see him in them, see the laughs that they shared with him and the support they conveyed during the months I can barely remember but will never forget...
I have a dead brother. I have a dead brother... It's so easy to pretend that he was never really there but just someone in my life that shaped me yet disappered one day. His existance has taken some time to internalize and accept as reality. Yet, I know deep in me that he is my brother as I can still remember our walks to the corner hamburger spot where we would play video games and just love each other.
I miss you constantly yet never,
I sit and wonder how things would have been better if you wouldn't have died,
Our mother still hurts every morning and hurts more every Thursday when she takes you flowers.
I still can feel the empty space as I go through my life,
A space that is filled with your jokes,
Your nick names,
Your presence.
Today when I pray,
I will pray for the video game we never finished,
I will pray for every moment I wished I had your physical support,
I will pray for knowing that you weren't just a blur of life but a reality I onced lived-------still live.
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