You caught me off guard

"You caught me off guard" is what he said to me. Those five words crippled me. I rushed out of the car and drove off.

How could I have caught him off guard? Am I really that closed off that even when I think that I am opening up, I really don't.... Ugh!!! I feel like I've been playing this character for so long that I have internalized it and I have lost the capability to show who I really am.

He wants to talk later on the phone... and idk if I can pick up. I don't think that I can hear him reject me. Hear him say that it was just me that was feeling something... I am scared, really scared and all I want though is for him to still text me because I know that I will feel better when he does. But not really because I fucked things over, I started to feel something more... ugh!

"Be still,
I already know"