There's a pain in my back that doesn't allow me to sleep for very long. Worse, there is you that is with me when the days burn and the nights shadow.

How could this be.
I'm too young to be alone,
Misery is out of my control,
But laying in bed for the past 21 years, alone,
Is not.

I'm following you in my dreams, in my thoughts,
With a sprained ankle,
I can still keep up,
I never wanted this for myself,
And how I've prayed to all the gods I've known for a midday dance.

I keep waking up.

the morning of

i'm hungover. my mouth feels numb from the moscato and shots i drank last night.
i'm sore.my arms feel bruised and my legs feel beat from running three miles in a stinky ass gym.
filled with creatine,
salty lips,
and men.
tons of men.

i don't know what to make of you,
i sat in a room wtih faces,
texting him,
yet thinking of you,
not in the same way as i use to though. or maybe.
you've been so distant. and i keep hiding in small corners.

your humor sucks.
real, real bad.
i desire your brown, olive skin pressed against mine.
i desire parts of you.
the company,
the hands,
the car,
the uncut dick and the ass i can't remember.
you suck,
i fucking suck.

complicated

i'm going insane. i don't know where i am at. like i've ran all i could and wound up stuck in the same trail except the cracks in the pavement has worsen and i am no longer able to run, too dangerous, too much effort for the same fucking road.

i hope no one reads this. and by no one i mean no one except for you. i am ashamed of myself. i thirst for you. to see you. to hear you. to make eye contact with you, even if its for a split second or its met with a hateful glare. i miss you.

i want to be in a room with you. i've already played it out in my head. i would feel uncomfortable and the first emotion would come in tears. i would stare at you and begin crying. tears of joy that after so long we are together and tears of pain because of the games you played. fuck. the many games we played. after crying, I would begin to yell at you. FUCK YOU! How dare you motherfucker not leave my thoughts?! fuck you! how can i love you this much?!?! When i still haven't loved anyone?!?! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU!

and for once you'd cried. you'd cried in front of me. showing me that you still care about the nothings we were and still are.

i have no ending to my play. some plays never will.